


i woke up from a never ending dream

by amirlywritingfanficnow



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Anxiety, Eddie has anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, Healthy Communication, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mentions of Death, Sick fic!, Sort Of, Use of petnames, doug is sort of referenced, so is Maddie’s ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:19:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25344574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirlywritingfanficnow/pseuds/amirlywritingfanficnow
Summary: The T.V. played in the background as worst case scenarios about Christopher swirled around in his head, Parks and Recreation long forgotten between that and his restlessness. He spends about fifteen minutes pacing before he even thinks about checking his phone again.He was expecting to see a missed call from Christopher. He was not expecting five missed calls from Buck.It goes straight to voicemail when he tries to call back. His worst case scenarios go from Christopher to Buck in a millisecond. It’s pouring rain outside in Los Angeles, anything could have happened to warrant five missed phone calls and all of them are life threatening in Eddie’s mind.Knock. Knock. Knock.When Eddie takes his time walking to the door, only caring about the five missed calls from his best friend, the knocking gets louder.Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.Sensing the urgency, Eddie jogs the rest of the way. He doesn’t know what he’s really expecting, his mind not entirely focused, but for the second time that night, Buck surprises him.“Buck?!”-Where Buck is going through it and Eddie has anxiety but they help each other through it. Featuring pet names and lovesick Eddie.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 6
Kudos: 300





	i woke up from a never ending dream

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a rain kiss fic but turned into fluffy-angsty sickfic (sort of) 
> 
> tw include;  
> implied/referenced child abuse, mentions of past abuse, reference to doug and ptsd, anxiety, talk of death, death of a parent 
> 
> if there’s anything else, please don’t hesitate to let me know!

When Christopher first brought up camp, Eddie never thought he’d spend the _whole time he was away_ wallowing and worrying about his kid. Sure, he knew he was going to worry like he always did but damn, did he miss his son like crazy. 

**_You are going to have a great time_ **   
**_Love, Christopher_ **

Christopher’s heart was in the right place, but he was without a doubt not having a great time. His mind, no matter what, kept drifting back to Shannon and how she would be handling letting him leave for two weeks without them. 

Then his mind would drift to Buck. The worry Buck was feeling mirrored his own, so he thought of calling him several times but he was going through his own thing so that idea went out the window the second it entered his head. 

The T.V. played in the background as worst case scenarios about Christopher swirled around in his head, Parks and Recreation long forgotten between that and his restlessness. He spends about fifteen minutes pacing before he even thinks about checking his phone again. 

He was expecting to see a missed call from Christopher. He was not expecting five missed calls from _Buck_. 

It goes straight to voicemail when he tries to call back. His worst case scenarios go from Christopher to Buck in a millisecond. It’s pouring rain outside in Los Angeles, anything could have happened to warrant five missed phone calls and all of them are life threatening in Eddie’s mind. 

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

When Eddie takes his time walking to the door, only caring about the five missed calls from his best friend, the knocking gets louder. 

**_Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock._ **

Sensing the urgency, Eddie jogs the rest of the way. He doesn’t know what he’s really expecting, his mind not entirely focused, but for the second time that night, Buck surprises him. 

_“Buck?!”_

Evan Buckley is standing at his door, soaking wet, shaking out of his skin, pretty much. He notices his knuckles are bleeding and Eddie knows better than anyone that it’s not from knocking on his door.

“Did you _walk_ here?” He’s dragging him inside towards the bathroom when it finally clicks. 

He turns on the shower to hot and turns back to Buck, who doesn’t seem to really comprehend what’s going on. He just goes about the motions of getting his clothes off. He gets in the shower with his boxers on, and just as he’s about to leave, he hears him. 

“Can you stay?” 

It’s barely above a whisper, just loud enough for Eddie to hear him over the running water, and his voice is cracking by the end of it. Either from crying or the cold he’s undoubtedly already caught, he’s not sure, but it concerns him either way. 

“Of course, Buck.” He sits on the toilet with a sigh. 

It’s quiet for another twenty minutes before the water shuts off. 

“Here’s a towel, man. Leave your boxers with your other clothes and I’ll dry them for you. Until then, I’ll just lend you something.” 

The only response to that is a nod before Eddie turns to walk to his room. He pulls out a pair of sweatpants he’s pretty sure belong to Buck anyhow, a gray sweater, and a pair of boxers in case. 

When he gets back to the bathroom, Buck’s gripping the sink so tight his knuckles are turning white and his eyes are squeezed shut like he’s trying to keep tears in. Eddie’s heart breaks a little at the sight but the main emotion he’s feeling is worry. _What the hell happened?_

He clears his throat and Buck startles. 

He grabs the outstretched clothes with no words and a just barely there smile. 

He doesn’t want to go far, doesn’t know what Buck wants him to do, so he stays outside of the closed door and waits for him to come out. 

When he does, Eddie wants to scream.

_The muscles stretching the arms of Eddie’s sweater. Hot. Cute. Adorable. How does he still have sweater paws? Buck can keep the sweater._

_Not the time._

He shakes himself out of those thoughts and nods towards Buck to follow him to the kitchen. He catches Buck’s raised eyebrow when he pulls out the first aid kit from the counter.

“What?” 

“Why is your first aid kit in your kitchen?” It’s the most he’s spoken tonight and he sounds amused so Eddie will take the judgement. 

“I always end up with some sort of injury out here so I decided it’d be easier to keep it here.” He shrugs. 

Buck snorts and starts laughing. Normally, Buck’s laughter is one of Eddie’s favorite sounds but this time, it’s laced with tears of sadness and he hates it. 

“Will you let me clean your knuckles?” He whispers because everything seems so quiet and he doesn’t want to disturb the peace. 

Instead of a verbal reply, Buck holds out his right hand. 

While he gets to cleaning his still bloodied knuckles, his thoughts drift back to the worst case scenarios. He never used to spiral when it came to those, but getting buried by thirty feet of wet earth and almost drowning had started up his anxiety. 

During emergency situations, it was completely fine. He controlled the spiraling, and he normally had absolutely no problem not thinking about anything except the situation at hand. But when Buck was repelling down the train that could tip over and crush him at any second, he had trouble not spiraling. 

Now, he’s sitting in front of him, quieter than Eddie’s ever seen him, knuckles bloodied and still shaking. The heat is all the way up and he’s in Eddie’s warmest clothes, so there’s no way the shaking is from being freezing. 

_Who the hell hurt him like this?_

Rationally, it probably has to do with Abby. Their meet-up hadn’t happened _that_ long ago, so it would make sense if he was still upset. But did it really warrant walking four miles in the rain to Eddie’s house? 

_Probably not. So something life altering had to have happened, right?_

“Eddie? You okay?” Buck’s hoarse voice brings Eddie out of his spiral. 

“What?” He’s about to ask Buck the same question when he catches sight of his own shaking hands. He sighs. “I’m fine. Just worried about you. What happened?” 

When Buck doesn’t reply, it just further proves Eddie’s point that something horrible had to have happened. _Right?_

“You’ve seemed freaked out all night. Even on shift, you seemed off. What’s going on, man?” Buck sounds like he’s spent his night screaming. 

Eddie sighs. “It’s nothing. Just have this irrational fear that things are always going to turn into the worst case scenarios in my head and I can’t shut it off. But that doesn’t matter right now.” 

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter right now? Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“Yeah. There is.” 

“Anything. Name it, I’ll do it.” 

“Tell me why you walked four miles in the rain to my house at eleven o’clock at night? What happened?” He feels like he’s begging. 

Buck going silent does nothing to help the anxiety but he doesn’t say anything. He knows Buck enough to know he’ll talk about it when he’s ready, but only if he’s not pushed. 

“Are you done? Can we finish Parks and Rec?” 

He sounds so desperate to forget why he’s there in the first place so Eddie just nods his head and goes to start the episode where they both left off. 

Their sides are pressed together as much as they possibly can be on the couch. For Eddie, it’s to remind himself that Buck isn’t dead in a ditch and for Buck, well he can only assume it’s for comfort. 

They’re three episodes in when he feels, rather than sees, Buck look over to check if he’s still awake. He just squeezes Buck’s thigh, where he doesn’t remember resting his hand, to let him know he’s there. Buck leans his head on Eddie’s shoulder and he has to stop himself from pushing away to check on him when he hears Buck’s breath hitch. 

“My mom died.” The three words sound like a question rather than a statement. 

Eddie feels like the world’s biggest asshole when he feels almost immediate relief that it’s none of the scenarios he thought up in his head. 

“Jesus, Buck. I’m so sorry.” 

He sniffles. “Don’t be. I shouldn’t be upset.” 

This time, he does pull back. “Of course you can be upset. She was your mom.” 

Buck scoffs. “Hardly. I _hate_ her, Eddie. Why do I feel so... sad and empty now that she’s dead when she’s been dead to me since I was eighteen?” 

“Because she was your mom. You’re allowed to be upset even if she wasn’t the greatest mom to you.” He’s got Buck’s head cupped in his hand, wiping away tears as they fall, and it feels so intimate that it has Eddie’s heart racing in a completely different way. 

“I don’t _want_ to be sad. I _can’t_ be sad. Make it go away.” Buck’s completely falling apart. 

Eddie just sighs and pulls him into his arms, holding onto him and letting him cry it out. He’s not saying anything, just rubbing circles into his back. 

“Maddie wants us to go back to Pennsylvania for the funeral. We got into it, I actually screamed, man. I screamed at _Maddie_. She flinched, I made her scared of me, man. I just-“ He lets out a sob before continuing. “The day I left Pennsylvania, I said I was never going back and I intend to keep that. My mom doesn’t deserve the love Maddie has for her and my dad doesn’t deserve the support right now.”

Eddie’s about to respond but Buck cuts him off. “I know, I know, I sound horrible. You didn’t know them, though, Eddie.” 

“I wasn’t going to say that. You’re right, I didn’t know them. You did know them, so anything you’re feeling about this is completely valid and justified, and only you can tell yourself how to feel. Not Maddie, not me, not your dad.” He looks down at Buck’s wrapped knuckles. “What happened with your knuckles?” 

Buck bites his lip and looks down. “I punched Maddie’s wall. She probably won’t be able to look at me the same.” 

“Hey, don’t say that. I’m sure she’ll understand. She knows you would never hurt her.” 

“Does she?” 

“You’re her brother, man.” 

“My dad’s our dad. Never stopped him.” 

Eddie grabs Buck’s hand to stop him from digging his nails all the way into his palm. “You’re not your dad, Buck. I know you and I see how much you love your sister, I know you would never hurt her and she knows that, too, okay?” 

Buck is about to respond but he’s cut off by a sneeze before he can. 

They make eye contact and simultaneously burst into a fit of laughter. Buck leans his head into Eddie’s chest as he’s laughing and for a second he fears he’ll hear just how fast his heart is beating but _really_ , Buck’s laughter really is one of his favorite sounds in the world so he focuses on that. 

When Buck sits back up, he gives Eddie this soft smile that he wants to be reserved for him because he feels like this thing for him might be reciprocated, finally. 

_It’s not reciprocated, Eddie. Don’t have hope. You’ll ruin everything and Buck will hate you forever. Don’t do it._

“Hey,” Buck whispers. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I just couldn’t think of anyone else to go to but you. You always know how make me feel okay even when things aren’t o-“ 

He doesn’t realize what he’s doing until he does it. He cuts Buck off, not with words, with his lips. _He’s kissing his best friend. He’s kissing Evan Buckley and Evan Buckley is kissing him back._

It catches up to him that this is actually real and he pulls away in shock. _You fucked it up, Diaz, good going._

“Oh fuck. Buck, I am so sorry. I-“ 

Buck’s lips are on his again, his hand wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him even closer. His kiss doesn’t bring fireworks, it brings something even better. It brings him home. 

For the first time that night, Eddie finally relaxes. 

Both of their lips are swollen by the time they pull back but they both have soft smiles adorning their faces. 

“I love you, you know?” Buck whispers again. 

Eddie exhales. “I love you, too, Buck.” 

**_ACHOOOOOO_**. 

Eddie can’t help but laugh again. As weird as it may sound, Buck’s sneeze is one of the cutest sounds he’s ever heard. Just thinking that makes him feel like a lovesick idiot, but Buck loves him back so he can’t find himself to care. 

He places the back of his hand on Buck’s forehead and feels the heat against it. 

“You already have a fever. Let’s get to bed, _babe.”_

Blood goes straight to Buck’s ears. _How cute._

“Babe, huh?” 

“Do you mind it?” 

“Not at all, babe.” Buck is grinning from ear to ear but it turns into a grimace. _“My head.”_

“Let’s go to bed then, baby.” He snickers. 

“How rude.” 

“Baby is a pet name too, Evan.” 

Buck just raises his eyebrow and gets under Eddie’s covers with him, clinging to his side the second Eddie opens his arms to cuddle. He knows Buck has always been tactile but his heart explodes when he cuddles his head onto his shoulder and feels Buck’s body completely relax like it was made to be near him like this. 

“Good night, Eds. Love you.” He whispers into his chest. 

In the morning, Buck is going to feel worse. He’s going to fight Eddie on facing Maddie and the visit to a place Eddie knows Buck never considered home. He’ll fight him on taking the disgusting cough syrup that he’s going to take like a champ anyhow when Eddie kisses his cheek to sway him. They’ll sleep a lot during the day and when Chris calls, they’ll both cry for different reasons but fueled by love for the nine year old. 

That’ll be in the morning but in the moment, things are peaceful and relaxed and Eddie wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. 

“Love you more, Evan Buckley.” 

**Author's Note:**

> comment! kudos! i hope you guys liked it :)


End file.
